How to Spice things Up!

After the honeymoon period is over, many couples tend to find their sex life ends up being more average than amazing. But never fear, adding the spice back into your sex life is easier than you think.

Take a look below to find some of my top tips for better, unforgettable sex, every time.
Set the Scene

Sure, quickies can be ideal for certain situations, but so many of us end up rushing into sex and head straight to the main event. But the best sex begins long before you get to the bedroom.

Get yourselves worked up. Take the whole night (or even the entire day) to seduce your partner… the longer the wait, the more intense the pleasure. Send them a text and tell them what you want to do to them later.

Fine Dining

Cooking for one another is a wonderful way to strengthen a relationship but certain foods serve an even sexier purpose. Indulge in aphrodisiacs, such as salmon, avocado, chocolate and red wine, all of which are well known for their libido-boosting properties.

Fine dining also calls for suitable clothing, with a sexy twist of course. Before you start cooking, slip into something a little bit more appropriate. Just knowing that you’re wearing crotchless panties will drive him wild.

Sit Back and Relax

Already feeling hot under the collar? Jump into a warm, soapy bubble shower together, and when all the suds are gone take some Pleasure Massage Oil and kick off foreplay with a sensual massage.

Communication is key

Communication is vital between couples. Before you dive under the covers, talk to each other about what really turns you on and off. No man or woman is a mind reader; if something really takes you over the edge you have to let your partner know.



Share the Fantasy

Desperate to try out a new position, sextoy, or even explore some role play? Don’t shy away from telling your partner what you really want. Be confident, take the reins and start experimenting together.

Talk Dirty to Me

So many of us struggle with dirty talk, but once you give it a go you’ll soon find there’s nothing hotter than hearing someone whisper in your ear exactly they want to do to you. If you’re too embarrassed to tell your partner exactly what you want in person, try texting them throughout the day. They’ll be so worked up they’ll practically run home.

Just Like That…

Is your man just not hitting the spot? Don’t simply lie there and pretend it feels good – nobody enjoys a fake orgasm. Guide your partner’s hand to the right pleasure points or, better yet, why not show him exactly what you like by putting on a solo masturbation show. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who takes control.



Switch it up

Falling into a routine can be your biggest downfall…

Finding a regime that ‘works’ and takes you both to the big O might sound like a fool proof way to ensure that sex is always great but it often leads to dissatisfaction. When you know exactly what move is coming next and end up anticipating the same orgasm over and over again sex can get a bit boring. Yawn.


You, Me and…

Sex doesn’t have to be between just the two of you… why not introduce a toy (or two, or three) into the bed with you?

I recommend starting off with the small (but mighty) bullet vibrators. Have your man tease you by slowly stroking the bullet down your thighs, across your nipples and over your underwear, focusing around your clit. And when you simply can’t take any more, turn it towards your man and get revenge. Vibrators aren’t just for women; men love them too!

Feeling more adventurous? There are so many different Vibrators to choose from. Experiment with our cock rings, range of dildos, and if you’re feeling in the mood, experiment with anal play by introducing our anal beads and or butt plugs at

I also have an in-depth sex toy guide for couples. Take a peek at here

Don’t Forget the Lube

Lube is a must-have for anal play, and it’s a sex toy’s best friend. But it’s also, in its own right, a great way to transform your sex life. Lube is massively underrated as a sexual enhancer and many forget it’s not only to help easy entry. Lube increases your sensitivity and takes sex to the next level.

If you’re in the mood for heating things up, there’s a lube for every occasion in my range. Can’t pick a favourite? Why not try out them all, one night at a time, with our Pick ‘n’ Mix sachets.

Stimulant gels

Stimulant gels are stronger, targeted formulations for specific areas. The perfect goody drawer addition if you want to last longer. I have erection enhancers  designed to make your man last longer in bed. These are topical applications that will make that penis area more prominent, sensitive and increase responsiveness. You only need a pea sized amount so apply a stimulant gel then add lube for slip. Trust us, they’re a total game changer.


Add a hint of naughtiness into your sex life and explore soft bondage. Blindfolds are a popular favourite between couples. Without sight, the other senses are heightened and every single touch is more intense. Blindfolds are perfect for foreplay and can lead to out-of-this-world oral sex. With no inclination where you partner will touch you next, your entire body ends up tinging in anticipation.

Handcuffs are another great way to spice up your sex life. Surrender yourself and let your partner dominate you by taking full control. With bondage, you really can be as kinky as you want to be. If you’re looking for further inspiration, Our Bondage section is sure to give you some ideas to whip things up. Keep up

Change Positions

Don’t get me wrong, missionary style can be ah-maz-ing, but there are so many positions out there to explore. Doggy, reverse cowgirl, the octopus… the options are endless. To get you started, why not take your pick from any Kamasutra guides  and gradually make your way through the list.

Don’t stop now…

All this is just for starters, honey. Take things to the next level with my sextoy  and bondage guides. Trust me, you’ll never look back…




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Posted by on October 19, 2016 in Uncategorized


It is possible to have a fulfilling life without having children.

I was diagnosed with’ Tokophobia’ back in 2007 by my local doctor of the the National Health Service in London. Tokophobia for those who do not know is the fear  of getting pregnant and of childbirth. And NO it is not a “thing” just incase mothers reading this think I’m nuts.

A study estimates that one in every five women is affected to some extent by fear of childbirth, and six in every hundred are so scared of giving birth that it affects their pregnancy and birth choices. I was one of the case studies.

Am I proud of it? No. But i have learnt to deal with it.

The funny yet puzzling thing  about being  single and of a certain age is the fact that you are constantly  hounded by the nagging questions of people asking you why you are still single. Apparently, I’m quite the looker, mature, financially independent but I’m lacking that one thing. A man. Now this pisses the shit out of me. You know, Society expects you to be married by a certain age. Who came up with this goddamn notion?

It gets worse……

Then, after years of people implying  that you are not good enough on your own, the other most annoying question comes about. First from your aunties and then MOTHERS who already are probably not enjoying motherhood…….. When are you going to have children? Do you know your eggs start to reduce by the time you turn 30? Are you aware that every year you wait to get pregnant, the harder it will be for you? I fucking hate people who ask me that? Like, what the hell is your problem? What makes you think that i want to be tied down for the rest of my life? What makes you think that i actually want to become a mother? Nature? Nurture? No honey booboo, i do not have those instincts, If i did, I would have had a baby in 2008.

The assumption of eventual, inevitable motherhood is drilled into girls’ minds at an early age and it sucks that we try to live up to societal standards.

Well, here’s my answer. I am single and I have no intentions of having children anytime soon. Or possibly at all.


I just don’t get why people take so much interest in other people’s breeding patterns. Do I love kids? 1000% I am probably the best aunt to my nephews and nieces, but that’s far as it gets.

Growing up, the advice I was given advice preceded by “when you have children,” not “if you have children.” I was brought up thinking that motherhood is something that happens to everyone – if not naturally, then through adoption, marriage or assisted reproduction.

Guess what? It’s possible to have a fulfilling life without having children. When i was probably 18, I took a  measure to secure a child-free status. My decision was not taken seriously. I was told, “You are young, you will come around” 13  years later, same view, only that it’s worrying others, but not me.

Let me tell you something, I went to get my tubes tied 2 and a half years ago. YES I DID. But I was told to wait until I had kids to make that permanent decision. I went for a second opinion and told to wait for five years to get  a simple and somewhat reversible form of sterilization. The doctor told me that I’ll have changed my mind in 5 years. Well I haven’t, I have 2 and a half years to go. Let’s see.


Being that I am just getting to enjoy life and my career, I am in no rush to have a kid. This however,is an unacceptable answer to a lot of people. The constant reminders that your clock is ticking and that you don’t want to be confused for your child’s grandparents when they grow up are not making me move any faster. Having children is a big responsibility. So big that I am not willing to take that path. At least not yet.

Am I saying never? Well, never say never, my prince charming might be closer than i thought. And being a Single mum is not my sort of easy despite many single ladies choosing that option. It is not a trend i am willing to Hashtag.

It’s time to  realize that there are many ways to be a mother. I am not sure why the emphasis is on biological and/or genetic motherhood. To be honest, i think it’s a bit insulting to people who became parents through other means, such as adoption, by surrogate or by marriage(Steps). It reinforces the false belief that true mothers are those who have gestated and birthed their own children. And it is just wrong.


Having said this, I really hope that one day I am ready for the immense responsibility of having a child. Everyone around me, who has a child, seems amazingly happy. Because of that, I do feel hopeful that when it does happen for me, it will be fantastic. But for now, it’s not in the cards. It doesn’t make me less of a person for not being a mother, or pathetic, or someone who’s wasting their child bearing years. It just makes me, Bev.

If i decide to speak publicly about my  decisions to remain child-free in the future, please, do not ridicule me. I keep saying that the most important and amazing thing in life is that we have a choice to do as we please. And lest you forget, I have Tokophobia.

But maybe when the time comes, when it’s God’s time, I’ll rush to a fertility specialist, get those fertility pills and tell the doc to make sure i have more than 1 kid at a given pregnancy. Thank God for technology and science, you can now choose the number of babies and their sexes.


IG- @bevmunga

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Posted by on August 26, 2016 in Uncategorized


Side Chic Generation

An old friend called me sometime last week after he saw an interview of mine. I hadn’t seen him in an year or so

Him: Munga, did you find a sponsor?

Me: I wasn’t looking for one. I think I am my own sponsor, but unless your’re offering (I was kidding)

Him: Let’s meet up today for a drink. How is…………? At 5pm (Some old place married Kikuyu men hang out and eat and drink and talk politics and slap the waitresses arses)

Me: No thanks, let meet up at a  different place, see you in an hour.

We meet up and catch up over a drink, but I end up getting a late night client and I have to leave. He offers to drop me home since it’s the same road to his house. On our way, he asks if he can be my sponsor. He was not joking. He is quite a reasonably wealthy man, living in Runda and vying for office in the next general elections. He is married. With 2 kids. And nin his late 30s or early 40s.

To keep the conversation going, I ask what benefits come with that? Like are you moving me from Gachie to say, Nyari or to an Sq in Runda say near Cathy Kiuna’s home where she would pray for me to have husband? Am i getting you to pay for my PHD in Australia?  Are you getting me my own car with my name on? Are you buying me a plot on Thika Road? Are you financing my business? Are you giving me a 10 million loan to invest in? (Questions you my friend should ask before becoming a  side dish)

Him: Are you even serious Munga? Who in their serious mind would do that? I can only provide you some basic needs and maybe unizalie and I’ll provide for the baby.

Me: Bye Felicia , So why would anyone in their right mind become a side chic if to comes with zero benefits? So, the only thing I’m getting from you is maybe house shopping? Dude, I live alone, shopping isn’t necessary, Maybe if i had kids.  Gym? I only pay 3k per month. Rent? I don’t pay rent. Bills? Not more than  15k  a month. So,chill out dude.

This guy didn’t get it. How would a Kenyan lady not accept such an offer? Then he goes on to ask if I am a “Sumbua” You know, will I keep calling him after 7pm? Will I keep asking him from cash? Will I get attached to him? Will i keep Sundays out of reach? Dude please.

Anyhow, I get home and have to rush to go deliver a sextoy and it happens that his local is where I am meeting up with my client. We fika the said destination and he asks i leave the car first and walk to the bar alone since he does not want to be seen with me. His wife’s friend is in the vicinity.

Unaona Ujinga….. How do side chics cope with such manenos? Being  a secret? Being second? Aii siwesmek.

And this got got me thinking,

Ladies, don’t be  comfortable being any man’s secret! In other words, don’t be a slutty Home-wrecking whore, get your own damn man. A SINGLE man.

Remember, if you start a relationship being the other woman, you will never be the Only woman. There’s no way a married man will ever leave his beautiful wife for you. And if he does, guess what, congratulations on getting your boyfriend to leave his devoted wife, a woman he promised to love, cherish and honour. Karma is a bitch.You are easy, stupid and desperate.

One of the funny yet sad thing is, nowadays, when a man tells you that he married, or in a relationship, you get excited and think of it as a challenge that needs to be accepted. A challenge? Stop and grab a vibrator from look at the mirror and remember that you are an STD about to happen.

Get your own man, then maybe you’ll know what it’s like to have your own home wrecked by a downgraded skank.

Am I a side chic? No, Have I ever been a side chic? No.  Am I the main chic to  man with a side chic? No! But i do get offers. I do not like sharing! Maybe that’s why I’m still single. But I refuse to be that chic.

So the population has more women than men, so what? The law has allowed men to marry more than one wife, If you want to be a second wife and get accepted by the family, go ahead, but don’t be a homewreker to a good for nothing financially unstable man who borrows you money that he goes to buy bread and milk for his family with.


OK OK OK…. So there’s an abundance of men in this world who selfishly pursue you, the other chic outside of their relationship and/or marriage. Sometimes they lie and lead you to believe they’re single, but for the man who can’t afford to have another woman text/call his phone, pop up at his job, or know where he lives, he has to be up front and honest about his current relationship status in order to potentially have an ongoing affair with you and also maintain the relationship he has at home.

Dear Side chic, why do you want your Vagina to be his walking Closet? Why do you want him to stuff his Dick inside you then the same to his wife, and maybe, into another side chic?

What’s the gratification there? Money? Rent paid at Ruaka? Chilling out at Kiza? Dinner at Kempinski? Is he paying for your holidays abroad? Is he paying your school fees? Is the sex the best you’ve ever hard? Stop being lazy, GET YOUR OWN MAN!

My 2 cents advice is , if you are to date a married man, at least get him to build you, Financially or academically. Sio story za he is borrowing money from you and busy spending it with his main woman. Atleast get an upgrade, move from your current Uthiru apartment and maybe do Kilileshwa, or Riverside.

Don’t you just hate it when you can’t call or text him after 7? How does it feel when your other girlfriends are chilling out with their boyfriends after work and your man is at home with his loving wife and kids?

Dear Homewreckers,

Why don’t you respect yourselves enough to respect our marriages or my family? I get it, you want a man of your own, and you crave love in your life. That’s fine. What isn’t fine, however, is that you seek this love in a man that’s already found it with someone else. If I can respect that you need love and have the right to pursue it with single men, why won’t you respect that I’ve found what you’re after and it means the world to me?  

It’s no secret that marriage is work. This means the woman who is devoted to the man wearing the wedding band whom you’re so eagerly enticing has been working very hard on the job and your actions could result in her losing all that she’s worked to obtain. What’s that? It takes two? Of course it does; and I say shame on the men who fall into your trap too. A man who loves and cherishes his wife for all the right reasons should see that no good will come from engaging in an indiscretion with you.

You say you’re in search of “real love” and a “good man”, but what on earth makes you think that a man who would step out on his own family to play pretend with you is actually worth your time?  And exactly how do you expect to sleep at night once he’s “yours”? Self love is the key that opens the door to so many wonderful things in life.  Working over time to open a door that’s not for you to walk through will almost ensure that there’s no prize behind it, but rather unimaginable heartache and pain.

You say there’s a shortage of good men in this world. Is that so? Well, if that’s true, how is the solution to that possibly forever tainting one of the few who still remain? Seems like desperate and reckless behavior to me. Are those the kinds of values you want to build a relationship on? You shouldn’t.

I know a lot of you tell yourselves that if he chooses to be with you then he must have made “the better choice”, but I just don’t see it that way. I see a man who chose the easy route and a woman with values as poor as his own; a man who will most likely one day leave you too. (You’re fooling yourself if you think he won’t.) That’s no man I’d want to choose; so why do you?

Oh wait, is it because you “can love him better”? Or because you “do all the things she just won’t”, right? It may be time to ask yourself if all the “things” you do that he likes so much are those becoming of a real woman or lady?

You see him doing right by the woman he cherishes and you tell yourself those are the qualities that make up the kind of man you’ve always wanted to have for yourself. Yet, you don’t count disloyalty as a negative? Where’s the logic there?

Look, I want you to be happy too, I do. But I’m here to tell you that you won’t find any joy in ruining another woman’s marriage. Before you walk over to that married man you’ve had your eye on for weeks (or months, or years) and say something you know you’ll regret, I beg you, think again.

Here are some thoughts I recommend you ponder in that moment: Why do you want to be his “friend” if he’s married, happily or not? Will you be able to live with yourself when you see another woman’s life fall apart because you selfishly tried to improve your own at her expense? Do you think you can build a happy home right on top of a broken one? Why don’t you love yourself enough to recognize that you deserve a healthy, happy, relationships untarnished by grief and guilt from day one? We hear often that we should treat others as we hope to be treated. This applies to how you meet your man ladies. Steal him once, and he’ll be stolen again. When that happens, you’ll want to write your own angry letter, I promise you.

Oh, and one last thing. For those of you who feel you have a “true connection” with a married man and he feels the same for you – wait! If he’s the right man and he’s truly unhappy in his marriage, he’ll end things properly, on his terms, and without your interference. Then he’ll cool his heels until it’s once again the right time to pursue new love with you. That’s how it should go. Encouraging or asking him to choose your happiness over his family’s pain is foolish, and he’s an even bigger fool if he takes you up on it. Love is patient, love is kind…think it through!

Okay, I’m done…back to your regularly scheduled programming, I swear!

The wife couldn’t have said it better…….

Get yourself a Vibrator and fuck yourself senseless, remember, masturbation keeps you from fucking the wrong person.

Keep it:

IG: @bevmunga

IG: @gspotkenya

Twitter : @bevmunga

FB Page: The G-sidespot Kenya



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Posted by on August 15, 2016 in Uncategorized


Friends with Benefits

Casual sex to some people is of lower-quality, unsatisfying, and ultimately harmful to those who engage in it, especially if they are women. But in this social media era, where getting laid can be as easy as liking a picture on Instagram, wen have clearly forgotten about some good old emotional intimacy and romance. It seems that we have fallen to the category of believing that casual sex—friends-with-benefits relationships (FWB)—is as sexually satisfying as the more romantic types of relationship. But through experience, I’ll teach you a thing or two.

It’s a cozy Friday night in Nairobi’s central business district, and at a sports bar, everyone is Whatsapping and Instagraming instead of making casual conversations with with the party goers. The tables are filled with late twenties/early 30’s women who’ve been chasing money and deals all week, and now they’re out looking for hookups. Everyone is drinking, making small talks once in a while with their colleagues and most importantly, peering into their big phone screens and swiping on strangers social media accounts that they may have sex with later that evening. This is the new normal. Trying go get a quick fuck with as litle as “What you up to?”

Thing is, most of us have had more casual hookups than we’d like to admit. Women especially are not soo keen in admitting that they have had one too many one-night stands. They refuse to admit that they have called a FWB in the middle of the night just for sex.

I for one have had more casuals than I’ve had relationships. Why? Well, sex has become easy to find. And if you are open enough with your casual partner, then he knows oh so well that when he gets a call from you at a certain time of the night, then all she wants is a lay and you can later bog off and leave her in peace. Afterall, we all have needs don’t we? And at times, a BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend) does not do a good job all the time.



It’s awesome, right? Having to live a care free life, isn’t it? Without any commitment or attachment. Well, not all the time. What happens if you start getting emotionally attached to your casual partner? The rule has always been, have multiple partners. Do not be exclusive with just one because sooner or later, feelings will start erupting. And you’ll have no one but yourself to blame.


FWBs involve recurrent sexual activities (the “benefits”) between partners who also spend some nonsexual time together, but without the expectations of a romantic relationship. They sit halfway between completely casual sex (such as a one-night stand with someone you just met) and completely romantic sex (such as sex with a long-term spouse). On one hand, FWBs are somewhat casual because there is no commitment between the partners to build a romantic life together or, typically, to be sexually exclusive with each other. On the other hand, they still involve some (and sometimes substantial) levels of emotional connection, intimacy, passion, and shared history.

Falling in love with your friend with benefits (FWB) is like working full-time as an unpaid intern at a company you’re crazy about with no guarantee of a job at the end of it all. It sucks, especially when you’re the one who’s caught feelings and you refuse to admit to even yourself.

You might be lucky enough to have your feelings reciprocated, but you’re more likely going to get your feelings hurt. And that’s a fact.

So, how does it start? This FWBs ish?


You’re probably recently out of a relationship and emotionally unavailable, but you’re also sexually frustrated. And you are tired with your BOB because at times, you need a man on top of you.

You might consider a One-night stand as an option, but let’s face it: The morning after and the walks of shame back home aren’t as fun as when you’re doing it every single weekend. Though I’d rather it was your house(woman) and not his. Then he’ll have to do the walk.

Plus, you don’t want to catch any diseases from strangers. What’s the next best option? Doing it on a regular basis with someone you know and trust, without the label of “significant other.” This is how it starts:m You’re having drinks with your soon to be FWB and you live closer to the bar than he does. Since he is your pal, you offer your sofa but things gets steamy at night and he moves into your bed. The morning after, there’s no awkwardness. The next weekend, same thing, only that this time you make him breakfast.

The beginning of a FWBs relationship is so much fun. You get along with this person, for starters, he is your friend. You have drinks together, you have the same friends, you love the same things. You shop together, travel  and the works. Just like friends. You’re (hopefully) having bomb-ass sex and there aren’t any strings attached. And this is a very important thing to note. The Sex should be out of this world.

Then the second stage arises: A more serious than you’d dare to admit.

The late night  texts of “what you up to? Can you come over?” start to become 2 pm texts or “Good morning” texts and the two of you gradually settle into a pleasantly predictable routine. You start to see each other every weekend, you do drinks and possibly a meal, he starts picking you up from work, and some small things that only couples in love should be doing.

This stage of FWBs is fairly comforting, and there are still no relationship obligations you have to keep in mind.

You fit this person into your busy schedule and he fits perfectly between your “Let’s have a drink after work” on a Wednesday and meeting with friends kinda routine.

This is also a good stage because the two of you are still getting along and, want the same thing. But then again, none of you want to admit that you are “Catching” and furthermore, you’re not each-others type. So you keep lying to yourself.



For many fuck buddy relationships, this is the longest stage, it could even last to an year or two, and the rest of your FWB relationship will ideally play out in this manner until one of you gets bored or meets another person.

In some FWB relationships, however, this is the stage when you start to become a little too comfortable in your routine. It brings up feelings that are reminiscent of a relationship. You can even use the bathroom comfortably without any fear.

After all, you two are sharing a lot more than kisses, and at this point, you’re doing so on a regular basis. Depending on the type of person you are, this could lead to a lot of trouble.

The good thing about having such a casual relationship, is the fact that you never have to feel guilty when you’re flirting with other people. Since none of you are actually dating or caring to call each other “boyfriend or girlfriend” You do go on dates with other people but do not sleep with them because, you have that cut out for you.

This is the stage you’re having fun,  at this point you are enjoying each others company and you promise yourself that you won’t, under any circumstances, become attached because “I’m not that kind of person”

The next stage is a dangerous one in this fuck buddy arrangement sort of thing: He is at your house more often and now, the two of you have extended activities from purely hooking up to actually talking and hanging out. You are enjoying spending time with him or her and you can’t wait to see him once he’s left.

This keeps happening until one day, you wake up beside this person, look over and start to freak out because you realize you genuinely like him or her. It’s a disaster.

You start to realise that you like the way this person makes you laugh as much as you like the way he  make you cum. He actually makes you Cum really good.

You start to fantasize about this person outside of the bedroom: picking out vegetables at the market, picking out furniture at for your home, taking you to doctor’s appointments, doing other non-sexual relationship-type activities. I told you it’s a dangerous stage.

At this stage, you consider breaking it off for a number of reasons. He is not your type, he never calls me, I’m the only one who texts him first, He has never mentioned any future with me, I am actually wasting my time with him etc etc This stage is called becoming abit obnoxious and frankly, you’re going cuckoo.

You stop calling him, you openly go for drinks with other people and share that on Instagram for him tom see. Maybe your last relationship was a disaster and this arrangement was only supposed to be a short-term thing, but it’s becoming even longer than your previous real loving relationship.

The you start to recognize you’re actually falling for him, yet he is emotionally unavailable because you’re emotionally unavailable yourself.

Despite your normally logical thoughts as to why this can never work, you can’t deny your feelings for this person.

Now, every time you see this person, you experience a wave of nausea, or you start to take certain actions  that used to mean nothing to you more seriously.

This person offered to pay your shopping bill, he actually starts cooking for you ,and paying for my shopping means caring and building a home blah blah blah….  you start to think in your small deluded head that maybe he or she also has feelings for you? At this point honey, you are going bananas!

Now this is the heart-breaking stage…… :

You admit to him that you are feeling some sort of way for him.  I call this, the things fall apart Chinua Achebe stage.

Once you admit your feelings to your FWB, it could go one of two ways. Ideally, of course, your FWB returns your feelings, and both of you want to take the arrangement to the next level. Tell all your friends and happily ever after bullshit!  (Very small percentage works out this way)

More often though, your FWB doesn’t return your feelings, and the one or two years you’ve both soo cautiously built together on sex falls apart.

After all, if your FWB were the type of person who wanted to be in a relationship with you, wouldn’t he be in a relationship already? You start to hate yourself, you regret every dropping your pants, you start to re-think of all the emotions you’ve wasted, all the money you’ve spent on this friend with benefits. You start to wonder why you wasted your Benefits, why that person didn’t’ tell you about his feelings first.

You two may still meet every once in a while in order to relieve some sexual frustration, but once you admit your feelings and get rejected, nothing is quite the same again. Advise is to basically pack and move coz you’re bound to see him in your local bar.

The fun you once had with each other is replaced by a general awkwardness created by the vacuum of his  un-reciprocated feelings for you. You start getting bored alone, you were soo used to seeing him, now all you have is that awkward feeling whenever you meet.

If you both agree to keep sleeping together, every time you have sex, you get a little more attached and just a tiny bit more heartbroken. You do this until you realize you can’t handle it any longer. This is the stage you brace yourself and compllty stop having sex with him.

Your arrangement ends, either with an ultimatum or with both parties silently agreeing to never speak  again. And you wish you broke it off months into it.

The final stage is the experience part:

Falling in love with someone who doesn’t return your feelings is a messy situation especially when  sex was the main equation. You are in your late 20’s and everyone around you is getting married or engaged. Your once single friends are settled with babies and tagging you along into taking the dowry to their significant other. Your world has crashed and more so because no one can help you with your FWBs issues. Afterall, you refused to admit to your friends that you were actually even sleeping together.

How do you cope with the ending of a relationship that wasn’t even really a relationship? Well your friends may be able to relate and help you for a bit to move on or you can but Njoki Chege out of it even though this isn’t exactly the best protocol for situations like these.

Honestly, your only option is to pick yourself back up, brush yourself off and realize your FWB is just another person to add to your list of experiences. You know you’ll be okay in the end.



So how good is the sex among FWBs compared to other types of ongoing sexual relationships? Categorically, this should be your best sexual experience, afterall, why spend soo much time with this FWBs  and the sex aint good in the first place?

Seriously,what’s the point of having sex more than once with the same person if the sex aint good, pleasant, worthy, valuable or  satisfying?


Like I mentioned earlier, having sex has become soo damn easy.This hookup culture has removed the romance in everything and it’s sad that this actually is what we as a generation prefer.

Credit, Jamie

(Next Blog)

The number of friends I have who cheat on their partners in worrying. This hit and quit thing is breaking families apart.

And we as women are aiding this. The thirst for quick money, the Instagram kinda life is breaking the societal values. Nowadays, sleeping with a married man is the way forward. A quick shag= a quick up market apartment. (Not mentioning Rwaka) The Ben10’s are the in thing. But hey, who I’m I to judge? After all, my slogan is #RespectMyHustle

Blog on this last paragraph coming soon.

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Posted by on November 17, 2015 in Sex


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Posted by on August 12, 2015 in Uncategorized


They call it a complicated relationship

This could be fictitious. Or not.

We met by default,in a bar. Surprise surprise. We exchanged numbers, had zero interest in him but I’m a friendly person so, a number ain’t a big deal, plus my friends have noticed that I only went for the eye candy. Yes, he was kinda handsome. He was not rich, no I don’t go for money, not even a car. Actually, I was the one driving him everywhere.
Ilianza na Ka- Whatsapp, I have always been a vodka girl, and he knew. The whatsapp read, “unaishi wapi? Nakam na vodka”

That night we drunk all the vodka and spoke all night. Talked about ourselves, families, history, favourite drink, nothing, careers, dreams, ambitions….. we spoke about everything. Did I say I didn’t know this man? Then it was 5.30 am and he called for a taxi and went home.

I slept all day. We continued chatting on whatsapp for weeks but nothing serious really. After all, he had a huge plate in front of him,and I had some serious decisions to make. I was only 4 months old afterall.

But after months of chatting and vodkas, we became entwined. He promised to marry me, he promised he’d ask my parents for a hand in marriage. He made me fall in love with him, he was a single father, with a huge package. That’s probably what I loved more than I loved him. I wasn’t in love with him, I was in love with his package- This is my My Man 1.

It didn’t last, it was fictional, I now admit that I was a scapegoat, a fix for him. But you gotta admit ,after months of talking everyday and seeing each other every other day, emotions do creep up and one is bound to get attached. We are human.

Well, it didn’t last long, and not because we weren’t compatible or meant to be, but because well, you don’t want to know the details. I won’t share this one.
We really kicked it off, spent so much time together, but we had to hide. No one was supposed to know that we were together. No one. We played hide and seek games. And even though I knew it would never work, I enjoyed the games, the weekends away in Seyshelles, the hiding from the public. It was an awesome experience. Not a relationship. That I truly miss.

I did miss him. I truly did. The trips, the package, the lies about him marrying me. I miss the constant phone calls and messages that I didn’t really get from guy No 2. [ Below]
I miss the fact that even though he felt powerful , I actually had power over him. When I spoke he listened. When I demanded for something,he gave it to me without question. I miss the fact that he was there for me, that I actually know that if I wanted him, he’d be there and vice versa. But he was a dad to 3 precious little kids, who needed their Mum, and I wasn’t that person. I wasn’t ready to be a step mum. I was not even a mum, just to my 2 precious dogs who don’t even count as real kids.

His friends adored me, and he did say that he was falling in love with me, which was not a surprise after all the time we spent together and the package….. But love, I’m not the kind of girl you fall in love with. But he changed. He started becoming scarce. Unavailable, I got jealous because of his scarcity, I missed his late night calls, but love. Zii. Maybe the package and expensive hotels.

Guy 2
Well well well……. Met in a bar as well. Hahahaha funny. He was hot. Damn cute. Very handsome. Ok, lemmie stop drooling. Can’t say much… He might figure out that I’m talking about him. We didn’t click at first, maybe it’s because I was still obsessed with the other package. There was no attachment, zero attachment actually. Just drinks and hangover remedies shared. I had so much time, I was in business,and as an entrepreneur, you have soo much time and cash to waste. Me and Mr. Guy 2 never got intimate, we were not in that kinda relationship, just friends who were cute together, and spent loads of time together. All I wanted was to spend time with him.

It was only after an year or so after Mr. Package and I…… After I realised that he was only using me that Mr. Guy 2 and I started seeing eachother. Not dating… Seeing eachother every other few months. Yes, months. But no emotions. Zero feelings. But with time, maybe years, I grew fond of him, I found myself wanting to see him more often, and I did. See him more often that is. Years spent, money spent,hours spent, airtime spent, holidays spent together. But apart from mini emotions like why he ain’t calling me? Where has he been for all those months that I haven’t seen him, well I was busy getting busy with my life and forgetting about love after my heart break years before these two incidents

But we breathed in sync afterall those hours spent together, phone calls, late night dinners, we were perfect together, people thought we were a couple, but we weren’t. We were just friends. Really good friends who attended events together, but never really kicked it off In a relationship kinda way. And everyone failed to see that. Or maybe, we failed to see the feelings, we escaped the emotions.

My friends loved him, they said we were the perfect couple, we looked good together, we did everything together. But we were NOT a couple. We were JUST friends who just fucked! I was a single nymphomaniac and all we did was waste each other’s time. Oh crap! That was a bloody waste of time.

But honestly, I wish he asked me out. Like out out. Like can I take you out kinda out. Can I take you out for dinner kinda dinner? Can I take you out for a drink kinda drink drink? I wish he asked me out out. But he never, he was fixated to other things, maybe someone?

If only he said the words, If only there were some remote feelings and emotions on his side, if only he called me often and showed interest in me. If only I didn’t waste those few years with him…… then I’d have gone out with him. I’d have considered it. I’d have learnt to love him. Coz I did enjoy spending time with him. But then I realised that I was wasting my time, and I his. It was time to move on. It was time to let him be, to let him fall in love, coz he would never fall in love with me. And vice versa. And Even though women do learn to fall In Love, he never gave me that chance.

And I had to accept that fact.

I hope that I have not given out any clues, if you think the shoe fits, well………….
We had some chemistry and I’m officially done.
Let me in now, or I walk away.

This could be fictional by the way.
It’s been a minute 😀😉


1 Comment

Posted by on May 19, 2015 in Uncategorized



After all this time, I still hope he leaves you.

I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine. We sit across from one another at the ArtCafe, reaching over the table to touch hands, caressing thumbs with the tenderness of a violin player. We must be touching, always touching. We joke and laugh, we talk, we sit in pure adoration. I know every inch of his face and he knows every inch of mine. I order his food (Beef fillet skewers, with caramelized onions) and he orders mine (chicken schnitzel). We sit, together in our love, relishing every second.

A car pulls up outside and warrants his cursory glance. The glance holds on a bit too long. The couple in the car comes inside and he follows their every move. They sit two booths behind us. He stares for a moment, then snatches his hands back from the table. The divot in his ring finger catches the light, reminding me of the torture I so often hide when we’re together. He fumbles in his pocket, quick with fear, and slips his platinum wedding band back on his finger. My heart is in shambles. We get the bill and pay for our unfinished food. Outside, he apologizes. I say nothing and drive home alone in tears.

You would think after three years of dating a married man, I would be used to this.

But it still stings just as much as the first time we ran into a relative of his and I had to “hide behind the pampers” in the  store. In truth, this was an infrequent occurrence. Maybe that made it worse? I’ll never know for sure. I suppose the fault is mine. If I had never let things progress, I wouldn’t feel the hurt tugging on my heartstrings when we needed to disguise our relationship or feel the jealousy when he went home to his wife, as he always did.

So why did I do it? Why does anyone do it? At the start of it all, the perks of the situation swam happily in my mind. Imagine the freedom! Imagine the absence of committed responsibility! I was a secure, confident woman and was not willing to compromise my life for a relationship and everything that came with it. Like most modern women, I felt I only needed a man for one thing, and a coupled lifestyle was not that thing. So I figured, who better than a married man? Moreover, a married man with kids! He had his responsibilities with his wife and family. There would be no awkward morning-afters, no constant phone calls or texts. I could have all the space I wanted and I would hear no complaints from his end. It would be easy and stress-free.

But what started out as a simple, no-strings-attached relationship (or at least the illusion of one) evolved into much more. You can never have your cake and eat it too. Maybe it was the jolt of electricity we both felt when we first met and shook hands or maybe it was our mutual understanding of the other’s troubles. Either way, we grew to rely on one another. We became each other’s go-to when one of us needed support. And the casual friendship-with-benefits morphed into a caring, loving relationship. I could see the aurora dancing in his eyes when he saw me, and he could see the sparkle in mine. We knew each other inside and out, our lives so intertwined we were hard to tell apart.

But I didn’t count on the pitfalls of this type of relationship.

I thought I had it all figured out. I didn’t expect to grow to need him. I didn’t expect to miss him when we weren’t together, I didn’t expect to become so attached and I definitely didn’t expect to fall in love. Or for him to fall in love with me. What I thought could be something simple ended up being a stressor. We had to hide. Our time together was constantly cut short so his wife wouldn’t find out. I was jealous and angry and crazily in love, and at times, so hurt I could barely stand. I hate being second in line, yet I was. He would tell me grand stories about how we’d be together full-time someday. He would leave her and be with me. A small part of me believed him, but the rest of me knew better. Yet still I stayed. We had such an intense connection that I was convinced living without him would be so much worse than enduring the agony of sharing my man.

On an unseasonably warm March evening, I ended it.

The chill had left the air and incoming Spring filled me with the power and motivation to do the hardest thing I knew I needed to do. My tears fell as fast as the first thunderstorm of the year.

“What are you saying?” he asked me. “I think I’m breaking up with you,” I said.

“Maybe you should think about it more,” he pressed. I told him, “I won’t come to any different conclusion. It’s over.”

And that was it. There was no pomp and circumstance. Just plain cold truth. We spoke sparingly over the next few days and it eventually faded to no communication. In silence, my world was ending. I gave up on love, on life. I stayed in bed all day and didn’t eat. My friends and family were stuck. They didn’t know what was going on; all they knew was my seemingly unnecessary depression. I trudged back and forth to work amid discussions of counselling, tentative hugs and attempts at forcing me to eat. In the end, I was still broken. The only thing worse than bearing that heavy a weight alone is carrying it yourself.

And then he called.

He wanted me to know his wife knew everything. That he loved me and couldn’t function without me. But he wasn’t ready. Could I wait, please. He needed me. He would be with me when his kids started school again. He would be with me in September. Yes, of course I would wait. He was my love.

The next few months were a whirlwind of elation and doubt. We were together nearly every day, as together as a hidden relationship allows you to be. He talked of long-term dreams, about our future house and trips we would take and having kids eventually. My heart longed for it and wanted to trust him. My brain knew better. I sat by, clinging to hope, and watched him as he bought new furniture with his wife. They got a new car. He hired a contractor and started repairs on his house. I became a Monday through Friday, nine to five girlfriend. For those forty hours a week that his wife was working, he was mine. He loved me and worshipped me and spoke of our future. But September came and September passed. The sun and moon rose and fell. And I was still alone.

He told me we’d be together in September. So every first of September, I wait. I go to the same ArtCafe diner and I wait for him. For my love. And as the years go by, my hope does not wane. It naively stays strong. Maybe one day, after all the lost time, he will join me and my September will come.

P.S (Alex A) This is fictional, do not break up a home in the name of Love


Posted by on January 13, 2015 in Poetry